


I Will Always Be There

by moviescorer97



Series: I Will Always be There [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alive Carla Yeager, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bottom Eren Yeager, CEO Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Character's Name Spelled as Hanji, Crying Eren Yeager, Crying Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Engagement, Female Hange Zoë, Flashbacks, Good Parent Grisha, Guardian Angels, Heaven, Heavy Angst, M/M, Marriage, Modern Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, Original Character(s), Teacher Eren Yeager, Too much sadness, Top Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), ereri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2018-10-02 03:07:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10208090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moviescorer97/pseuds/moviescorer97
Summary: Eren had his whole life ahead of him.He and Levi were getting married tomorrow, and he couldn't be any fucking happier. But one accident changes his life for the worst.





	1. I love you so fucking much.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

We were coming back from our rehearsal dinner, laughing and singing like idiots to our favorite tunes on the radio. Levi was grinning while watching the road like the perfect driver he was and my heart couldn’t stop swelling with love every time I looked at him.

We were getting married tomorrow, after five years together. We finally had settled down in our penthouse apartment (Mr. CEO over here likes them for the view he says) and our new routines. We would wake up together in tangled limbs, smile at each other, maybe have a round of really hot sex, Levi would take a shower while I made us breakfast, and we would both help each other get dressed. Levi would never tie his tie himself, he’s always let me tie it, and he would sometimes wear his light blue button up that I love so much because it would bring out his stunning eyes. We would go our separate ways after kissing each other goodbye, him to his office and me to the elementary school where I worked as a kindergarten teacher.

At night I’d come home, make us dinner and he’d walk through the door, tired but with a small smile on his face when he saw me. We would talk about our days, the kids I helped, the shit ton of paperwork Erwin gave him, and of course, our wedding. God, I loved thinking about marrying him. I would always grin like an idiot looking down at my engagement ring, which was a simple silver band with one emerald in the middle, and two smaller diamond on each side. On the inside was the graving _I will always be there ~ Levi._

I was laughing at something he said, how Hange wouldn’t stop teasing him about our honeymoon or something like that, when he looked over at me. I noticed his eyes get wide and was confused when he started to scream my name and began to reach for my hand.

I never got a chance to say anything before the truck slammed into my side, making my world go black.

 

 

I woke up feeling like I had the worst hangover in the world, and the bright white light around me wasn’t helping. I groaned while trying to sit up.

“You shouldn’t get up, hun.” A female voice said. At first I thought it was my mom, or maybe even Mikasa, but when I opened my eyes I was surprised to find a nurse next to my bed.

I raised my eyebrow. “W-where am I?”

She bit her lip, and wrote something on her clipboard. I looked around the room, and it sorta looked like a hospital, minus all the heart monitors and machines. I was lying in a white bed in what looked like a plain white t-shirt. I moved the covers to see that I was wearing white cotton pajama pants, pants that I was not wearing when I was with Levi.

“Where’s Levi? And where the fuck am I?” I question her again.

“Let me go get Maria, ok? She can explain things better than I can.” She gave me a small smile.

“No, you tell me where I am! Please!” I swing my legs over to the side of the bed and try to stand. I sway a little, but eventually gain my footing. “Where’s my dad? Grisha Jaeger? He works here, he should be able to tell me what happened.”

“Sir, please! I advise you not to leave your bed!” the nurse exclaims as I make my way past her and through the doorway. I get into the hallway and look both ways . . . this isn’t anything like the hospital I’ve been in thousands of times. I decided to go to my right, speed walking. I didn’t even care that I was barefoot, but the blank white hallways with nothing on them were freaking me the fuck out. I began to run, looking for anyone, any nurse or doctor that I recognized. There was no nurse’s station, no wheelchairs in the hall, no patients. Nothing.

My breathing started to pick up. Where was Levi? My mom? Mikasa? What _day_ was it? Did I miss my wedding day? I run a hand through my chocolate hair in anger, leaning against the white wall behind me.

“Eren Jaeger?”

I quickly look over. A woman with black hair and brown eyes was standing a few feet away from me in what looked like a lab coat with a white dress underneath. She looked to be about in her early thirties, maybe younger. She was carrying a clipboard and had a little button on her jacket.

“Who are you?” I breathe out. “And where the hell am I?”

She gives me a sad smile, her eyes soft. “I’m Maria, your councilor.”

“My councilor for what? Am I in a hospital of some sort?” I asked. She shook her head.

“No, Eren.” she took a breath. “You’re not in a hospital. You are in heaven because you died three days ago.”

 

 

 

            “You were on your way home with your fiancé, a Mister Levi Ackerman, when a tractor trailer hit you at full speed on the passenger side,” Maria started. She had brought me to her office, a white room with a white desk and a few nick knacks here and there. She sat me down gently and gave me a cup of tea in a paper cup. She continued to read from her file. “The car had flipped a few times, and landed upside down. Mr. Ackerman suffered a broken leg, arm, two punctured lungs, a severe concussion, and multiple cuts and bruises. You, I’m afraid, died upon impact.” Maria cleared her throat and shut the file, then looked at my shaking hands.

            There was no way I was dead. This had to be some fucked up dream. I was just with Levi, we just had our rehearsal dinner and we were getting married tomorrow. I went to go fiddle with my ring, which was a habit I had developed over time, when I noticed it was gone. I started to panic. I stand up abruptly, throwing my tea to the ground.  

            “You’re fucking insane if you think I’m going to believe you!” I hissed at her. “I’m not dead! There’s no possible way! I was driving with my fiancé to our apartment, we were going to watch Shark Tank like we do every Friday night, and then we were going to wake up at the ass crack of dawn tomorrow to get married! I’m not dead! I’m NOT dead!” I pulled at my hair. Tears were threatening to spill over, and my eyes felt like they were burning. I couldn’t seem to get any air to go down past the huge lump in my throat.

            Maria ran around her desk to hold my hands into hers. She brought me to my knees, looking me in the eyes. “Eren, I know this is a lot to take in,” her voice cracked. “It’s not easy to hear something like this. But think about it. If you were in the hospital after a sever accident like that, wouldn’t your family be here with you? And most importantly, why would you be able to get up out of bed this quickly?”

            “No, no, no,no, you’re wrong.” I stated. “I need to go home to Levi, he’s going to be waiting for me! I need my ring back, please give it back.” I cried. Tears started to quickly fall and my heart hammered against my chest.

            “Honey, I’m sorry, but you can’t go home. You passed away three days ago.” She said in a calm voice while I shook my head.

            I want Levi. I want him here with me to tell me we are going home soon. Where is he?

            “I want proof,” I croaked. Maria looked at me like I was crazy. “If I’m dead, give me actual fucking proof.”

            Hesitantly Maria stood up with her arms wrapped around me, and helped me sit back down in my chair. After she made sure I was stable enough to sit, she walked around to desk and opened her desk drawer. She pulled out a laptop, white of course, and put in a CD. After she made sure it was ready, she turned the laptop to me and pressed play.

            What played made my heart ache.

            It was my mom sobbing into my pillows at my parent’s house. It was my old room, the one I had lived in since I was born. My dad was sitting at my desk, staring blankly at the floor, passing my mom tissues when she needed them.

            “My baby,” my mother sobbed, a gut wrenching sob that had made me start sobbing. My vision became blurry as tears ran down my cheeks. “My baby boy! Why, why, why?”

            The picture dissolved into Mikasa and Armin, my two best friends in the entire fucking planet. They were in my parents’ living room, going through photos while crying. I could barely see them with all my tears, but I heard them talking about what photos to use at a funeral.

            When the picture dissolved again, there he was. Levi. Oh my god, my Levi. I sunk down to my knees, leaning closer to the laptop screen as if I could get closer to him. He was lying in a hospital bed, a bandage wrapped around his head. He was looking out what appeared to be the window, his eyes red and glossy. Hange and Erwin sat across the room, also red eyed and holding each other’s hands.

            “Levi,” Erwin started, his voice thick with emotion. He cleared his throat. “Levi, I know it’s hard, but we need to start making plans for Eren.”

            A sob erupted from Levi’s throat. He tried stopping it, even started to cover his hand, but it was too late. Loud sobs echoed the room, and Hange had rushed over to hug him. Usually Levi would argue with her about touching him, but he just gripped onto her jacket like it was a life line.

            “Why?” he wailed. “Why Eren? We were getting married, Hange! We were going to get married and live happily!” his small frame shook.

            I was wailing with him. I touched his face on the screen, telling him I was there, right there with him.

            “Oh, sweetheart,” Hange cried, smoothing his hair. “I, I don’t know.”

            “My Eren,” Levi choked up. “He’s gone, Hange. He’s fucking gone. He was right there next to me, and then he was gone!”

            “No, baby, I’m right here. I’m right fucking here.” my voice wobbled.

            I didn’t know Maria had shut her laptop closed until her arms wrapped around me, letting me sob into her shoulder. “Why me?” I cried harder, clawing at her back.

            She sniffled. “I don’t know hon, all of us ask that every day.”

 

 

            Once I stopped crying, leaving me with a blotchy face and swollen eyes, Maria brought me back to the hallway to my room.

            “Now, I know this is a lot to take in,” she said. “But I need to give you a run through of what we do here, ok?”

            I nodded, looking at the floor.

            “We are Guardian Angels, in a way. No, God doesn’t come down here, we are our own business. We don’t have wings; we just teleport to wherever we need to go. Our job is to look after the human race, to make sure that the innocent are safe unless it’s their time to go.” Maria knocked three times on my bedroom door. “As a Guardian, your room will look like the place that you hold dear to your heart to make you more comfortable. To make you feel secure, you are allowed only three things from your home life to bring here. Are there any things you were like me to bring you now?”

            I blinked, trying to think of what were the things I held dearest to me. Levi and my family came to mind, but that would be dumb to ask for. “My ring . . . my engagement ring.” I muttered, rubbing my left ring finger. I saw Maria write that down on her clipboard. “Um, I have this photo album of everyone from home . . . and I want,” I licked my lips, the lump in my throat getting bigger. “I want the light blue button up shirt of Levi’s.”

            Maria smiles and rubs my arm. “The cool thing about this place, is I can make it so things last the way they were originally found forever. Would you like his scent to be on it?”

            A sob escaped my throat. “Fuck, yes p-please.”

            After writing my requests down, Maria hands me a bag. “Your items will be in here. Toiletries and all your clothes will be in your suite where they should be. If you need anything, please call me using the cell phone that is in that bag, my contact information is already on there. Tomorrow I will leave you some time to process things. Food of your choice will fill the cabinets and fridge magically.”

            I don’t even both to question the logics of dead people still being able to eat when she hands me the key to my new place.

            “Eren,” she starts. “I know it’s hard right now, but it will get better. I promise you.” She gives me one last smile, and makes her way down the hall.

            I swallow the lump that seems to never go down, watching her go down the never ending white hallway. I turn to my door, and open the door.

            The tears instantly come back when I look inside. It’s an exact replica of Levi and I’s apartment back at home. Same furniture, living room, entry way, and kitchen off to the side. A big dining room table with fake flowers in the middle (Levi hated replacing real ones), a sliding door that lead to a balcony, and a hallway to my left that lead to the bedrooms.

            I cover my mouth with my hand as I make my way towards our bedroom. It looks identical to ours. King sized bed, grey silk sheets with a black comforter, a mountain of pillows, and a nightstand with lamps on each side of the bed. I set the bag Maria gave me on the bed and sat down. The bed was just as comfy as ours was.

            I open the bag and pull out Levi’s shirt. I bring it to my nose and breathe in deeply. Oh my fucking God, it smells like him. Earl grey tea, cinnamon, and a splash of pine. I stand up, taking my pants off along with my shirt, leaving me in my white boxers. I pull the shirt over my head, and straightening out. The shirt, like it always had, covered my bottom and fell to my thighs. Since Levi was built more than I was, his clothing was always bigger than mine.

            Next I reach in the bag to find a little black box. I open it only to find my engagement ring. Biting my lip, I gently take it out and slide it onto my finger. Grabbing the photo album, I requested out from the bag, I slide over the covers of Levi and I’s bed and lay down on the mountain of pillows. I flip through the pictures, and stop of a page dedicated to me and Levi.

            The picture I pull out was a picture I look of Levi when we were waking up one morning after my birthday. He was grinning, shirtless, and his eyes showed so much happiness and love that my heart swelled.

            I leaned the picture against a pillow so it laid across from me, as if he was lying next to me. I look at him, trying to make it feel like it was any other day. I sniffle, and pull my ring off my finger. I rub the tip of my index finger along the engraving inside.

            _I will always be there ~ Levi_

My face crumpled, a wail leaving my lips. “But you won’t always be there. And I can’t always be with you. Oh fuck, Levi, I miss you so fucking much. I’m so sorry I left. I wish so fucking hard that I was with you, going to bed. Fuck, I want you here with me. I love you, I love you, so fucking much.” I kissed the picture repeatedly, covering it with my tears. Taking a shaky breath, I put my ring back on, kissed it, and buried my nose into Levi’s shirt, trying to make it feel like I was back in his arms and like nothing had ever happened.


	2. All in an instant . . . gone.

Sorry for the long wait!

 

 

 

 

 

 

********************************************************************

 

It was the first time in many years that I woke up alone.

I didn’t know what to do; my legs weren’t tangled around Levi’s, my head wasn’t laying on his chest, and his fingers weren’t running through my hair. I was so used to waking up with those strong but gentle fingers lightly scratching my scalp that I woke up feeling lonelier than I ever had before.

I opened my eyes only to see an empty spot on the other side of the bed. My eyes immediately went towards the bathroom door connected to the master bedroom. Was Levi in the shower? He never left bed before I woke up; it was the only time during the week days that we had to spend together since we were usually tired at night to properly cuddle and relax.  I sat up and looked around the room. His clothes weren’t laid out, his briefcase wasn’t set down by the doorway, and there were no sounds other than my breathing. Suddenly everything from yesterday came crashing back to me.

I was dead, and Levi was not here.

I hugged a pillow to my chest, trying to fill my arms with something that would usually be Levi’s body. Closing my eyes, I imagined the sound of his movements in the bathroom; the sounds of the shower running, his off tune humming and whistling, his bare feet slapping against the floor.

            Levi was my home, my best friend, my love, and was my soon to be husband.

            And he was taken from me.

 

 

 *********************************************************************

 

            Maria came by later that morning with a cup of coffee and some doughnuts.

            “How are you feeling this morning, Eren?” she took a sip of her coffee. I had invited her to sit on the couch next to me, but I kept expecting Levi to tell me to not eat on the couch.

            “Empty,” I replied. Maria looked at the box of normally delicious treats she brought. I haven’t taken one even though the offer was implied.

            “That’s usually normal for new ones.”

            “New ones?”

            “Angels.” She clarified.

            “Oh.”

            Maria grabbed my hands into hers and looked straight into my eyes. “Honey, I know exactly how you are feeling. Every single one of us has been through this and have felt the pain you are feeling. It hurts, and I’m not going to sugar coat it, and it’s never going to _not_ hurt.” She squeezed my hands tighter. “I know it’s hard; leaving your family, your loved one, and maybe even children, especially since you left the world so suddenly, but you can’t live forever like this. Like the rest of us, you will eventually come to terms with what happened and move on.”

            I bit my lip. “So you want me to just forget about my family? About everyone that I was taken from?” My eyes instantly teared up at the thought.

            “No!” she gasped. “Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, oh, honey no! We could never ask you to do that! We know that’ll never happen. But think of it as if your situation was reversed; you lost a loved one, and eventually you learn to continue living again.”

            We sat there for a while, and bless Maria’s heart for staying there with me as I sat there, looking at the floor with a blank stare. Licking my lips, I take a deep but shaky breath.

            “Does time here work the same way as it does at home?” I asked. Maria nodded.

            “Yes, today is December 27th.” My eyes began to water and sting.

            “I was supposed to get married two days ago. I,” I sucked more air in my lungs and let it out. “I died coming home from our rehearsal dinner. All I remember was driving with Levi, listening him complaining about one of our friends, and I heard him scream my name. And then, nothing.”

            Maria glanced at my engagement ring. I didn’t notice I was fiddling with it. “Oh, sweetheart. I’m so, _so_ sorry.” She whispered as she pulled me against her chest. Tears began to run down my faces as I wrapped my arms around my knees, hugging them to my chest.

            “I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. Not to Levi, or my sister, or fuck, my mom! God, I want my mom so badly right now.”

            I couldn’t take proper breaths; there was a lump in my throat and I kept hyperventilating to try and get past it. Maria was running her fingers through my hair, trying to calm me, and I kept sobbing because I would instantly think of Levi or my mom doing it whenever I was upset. That’s when it hit me all at once:

            I was never going to hug my mom again; as sad as it sounds I’m a huge momma’s boy and every time dad left for a business trip and Levi wasn’t home my mom and I would have movie nights where we ate junk food and cuddled on the couch like I was five.

            There would be no more cuddle nights with my mom.

            Mikasa, Armin, and I would never go to the movies together again, or go out to lunch during all of our lunch breaks.

            I’d never hear Hanji go on and on about her silly experiments, or my dad talk about that _one_ kid who always comes to the ER because he got a spoon up his nose again.

            I’d never marry Levi, my soulmate. I’d never be able to walk down that aisle, looking at him at the alter with that rare smile he wears sometimes. We will never make love again, or kiss. I’ll never be held in those comforting arms of his, and on his bad days I won’t be there to make his favorite dinner and cuddle the daylights out of him.

            All those hopes, dreams, and hobbies I once had; gone. All in an instant; all because a fucking truck driver was drunk and ran a red light.

 

 

***************************************************************** 

 

            After my breakdown, Maria let me have a few moments to calm down. She had left to get me some tissues and a wet washcloth to clean up a bit, and it made me grateful that she was here.

            “Now,” she started quietly. I leaned back on the couch, legs still to my chest, but not before grabbing a chocolate doughnut from the box. I started to rip off tiny pieces and nibbled on them. “In an hour or so everyone will be back to welcome you, and I want to introduce you to everyone. You will be assigned a traveling partner for when you go to Earth after your training, but if you hit it off with someone just let me know, we can see if we can have something arranged.” She winked at me.

            I nodded, still chewing.

            “Training will mostly just be information on what you will exactly be doing, but the jist of it is that you make sure you’re there when a pure soul dies, and guide them here. You also are assigned certain people who are in need and are their guardian angel; make sure they keep fighting, that they keep living until their time has come.” Maria explained. “We make sure to not assign you to family or loved ones for . . . obvious reasons. We used to do that in the old days, but some angels could not move on and that ended up with them having, well, breakdowns.”

            “That makes sense,” I muttered. Maria nodded.

            Suddenly a phone chimed. Maria brought a phone out of her pocket, a flip phone, and took one look at the screen before shutting it. “They’re back, if you think you’re ready to go introduce yourself. I’m not going to force you, especially today.”

            I leaned over and gave her a hug. “Thank you for keeping me a little sane these last two days. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.” I sniffed as I felt her pat my back.

            “Oh, sweetie, you’re absolutely welcome! I know how hard it is, and when I came here there was no one like me to help people transition from Earth to Heaven without breaking down mentally.” She gave me a small smile as she pulled back.

            “If you don’t mind me asking, how did you die?” I asked.

            Maria let out a small chuckle. “I died giving birth to my child. I was a health nut back then, and was very anti-drugs during childbirth. I tried giving natural birth a go and well,” she stood up. “They couldn’t stop the bleeding. I passed on before I could even see my baby.” We began walking to the apartment door; grabbing our things like my keys and her bag.

            “Oh god, I’m so sorry Maria.”

            “It’s alright honey, it was a long time ago. It still hurts, but I know my baby is alive and well, and that’s all that matters to me.” She turned and gave me a radiant smile.

 

 

***********************************************************************          

 

 

            There were so many angels that I became dizzy when they all tried introducing themselves to me.

            “Hi I’m Amy!” a girl with bright red hair took my hand, shaking it.

            I smiled. “I’m Eren. It’s nice to meet you.” I turned to fine Maria, only to run into another angel.

            “What’s up? I’m Xander.” This tall, buff guy with blonde hair said. I had to crane my neck up just to see his face.

            “Uh, hi. I’m Eren.”

            “Eren! It’s so nice to meet you!” five other voices cheered. I was getting dizzy. They were all worse than Hanji when she had a successful experiment.

            “Everyone calm down and give Eren some space!” I heard Maria say.

            Thank god for Maria.

            Some people backed off, others still lingered around me to ask ques tions about me, my previous life, how I died and so on. I met a dude named Nelson who’s been here since the 80’s; he died in his sleep at age 15 after his brain swelled too much from an untreated concussion. We mostly chatted about our parents since both of our dads were doctors.

            “Was your mom a great cook? Mine couldn’t really cook for the life of her.” He laughed.

            “Oh god, my mom is the best cook on the planet!” I grinned for the first time in two days. “Maybe when we get a chance we could go visit her and she can make. . .” I trailed off. I felt my face get warm with embarrassment. Nelson seemed to understand though.

            “Dude it’s okay. I understand.” He smiled. I tried my best to smile back, but I couldn’t bring myself to do so.

            Before the night was over I met a girl named Ginny, a tiny young thing.

            “So are you keeping your name ‘Eren?’” she asked. I gave her a questioning look. “Some of us change our names to more ‘angelic’ ones to make the pain go away. It doesn’t work like magic of course, but sometimes it can help being called something different than what you are used to hearing.”

            “Oh, well that kinda makes sense, I guess.” I thought for a moment. “No, I think I’m going to keep my name. I like too many others and it would take me forever to set on just one.”

            Ginny giggled. “I feel you! My name was Constance, but I never really liked my name. Once I came here, I thought of my favorite book series and settled on Ginny.”

            “Well it’s unique!” I chuckled.

            It was a little past midnight when Maria offered to take me back to my room. I kept thanking her for saving me, making her laugh. I started to unlock my door when she spoke up.

            “So why Christmas?”

            I turned towards her. “What?”

            “Why did you choose Christmas for your wedding day, if you don’t mind me asking. I mean, it’s already a busy enough day for everyone and can sometimes be hectic. Why add on to the chaos?”

            I smiled sadly. “We chose Christmas because it’s Levi’s birthday. He grew up with his uncle who didn’t really appreciate him, so his birthday was never celebrated. When we first met, he was Scrooge reincarnate. Tore all my Christmas decorations down when I first moved in with him.” I bit my lip. “I tried to get him to love himself and his birthday, but he never could. He hated his birthday. I chose it to be our wedding day so he would have something to look forward to every December 25th.” My eye started to sting again.

            Maria smiled. “Well, he was a lucky man to have you, even if it was a short while. How many years have you two been together?”

            “Well,” I began. “He was a freshman in college and I was a freshman in high school. I know, it was weird, but he’s my adopted sister’s cousin. We met at her family reunion and I was the only one who laughed at his jokes. He was just so blunt and mysterious and smart that I couldn’t stop talking to him. We chased each other for about a year before officially getting together. So, around eight years. We wanted to wait until I was done with school before getting married.”

            I noticed tears in Maria’s eyes, but she waved them off before I could offer her a tissue or point it out. “I wish you two had more time together; you two seemed to really love each other.”

            I let out a wobbly smile. “We did; more than anything.” Maria smiled and turned to leave. “Wait!”

            “Yes, dear?” she tilted her head.

            “I have one more question for today.” I said.

            “Sure, ask away, sweetie.” She replied.

            “A girl was telling me about how angels sometimes changed their names to try to rid themselves of some of the pain of being taken away from their old life.”

            Maria nodded. “Yes, that’s true. Though a lot of angels don’t because they feel like they are getting rid of the last thing they have from their time on Earth.”

            “Did you have another name? Or were you born on Earth as ‘Maria?’” I twiddled my thumbs, playing with my apartment key.

            Maria’s black hair was coming out of her braid that she had put together for the “welcome party.” Her brown eyes shined as she looked over at me and shook her head.

            “If you don’t mind me asking, what was your name?”

            Those brown eyes shined even more, her smile the absolute definition of angelic.

            “My name was Kuchel.”

 


	3. Teacup Filled With Love

**Well sorry for my absence, but I started another semester at college and have been crazy busy! This is just a sneak peak of the next chapter, but I hope you like it all the same! And I'm glad so many of you really like it!**

**I hope you like more angst and sadness, because here's some more ;)**          

 

 

 

 

 

           I laid in bed that night staring at the ceiling. There was a TV in the corner, like there always was when I lived with Levi, but I didn’t feel like watching anything.

            Why did the name Kuchel sound so familiar? It’s not a very common name, but I swear I heard it before. Why was it driving me crazy not knowing where I heard it before?

            I shook my head as if to fly the thoughts out of my ears. Maybe I’m just going insane. Maybe I’m not really dead, just in a coma in the hospital and this is some fucked up dream. I couldn’t stop myself from crying for the life of me, even after Maria dropped me off after the party.

            It physically hurt to be in Levi’s penthouse without him here; I hated living alone because there’s no one to talk to or relax with. What was I going to do during my freetime? Try and go on with life in the house that Levi and I were planning on starting a life in? My life barely started before it ended and here I am, learning how to live without any family and friends that I’ve seen every day since birth.

            Maria gave me some extra picture frames that she had, for the pictures in my photo album.

            “It might make living alone a little bit easier, having the faces of your loved ones around you.” She had said with a small smile.

            “Do you have a picture of your child at all? Like from spying above from Heaven and all?” I asked her. She bit her lip and I saw her eyes go red and start to water.

            “No . . . just an old ultrasound photo from my nine-month checkup. I flat lined as soon as I heard his cries, and that’s all I remember. As for spying,” she took a breath. “I could never bring myself to do it. I feel it would hurt a lot worse than not knowing.”

            “He? I thought you didn’t know what gender it was?” I had asked.

            She had let out a small laugh. “I felt horrible just calling him ‘it’ while I’ve been here. Besides, I told my brother that I always had a feeling it was a baby boy.”

            I think back to Maria, her death, and her baby a lot. I pray to whatever God that I now work for that her baby at least heard of her, and knows that Maria still thinks of them and the love she’s sending them. Would I be like Maria one day? Able to talk, let alone think, of Levi or my family without breaking down?

            I kept expecting Levi to start on his morning tea when I walk into the kitchen the next morning. I look at the kettle on the stove and gently touch it. I wasn’t much of a tea drinker; it was too bitter and I could never make it sweet enough for me to hold down.

            I opened the cabinets to see the assortment of tea cups that would never get used by me, their owner in another world, or whatever I called it. I pick one up, lip quivering. It had a gold trim around the rim, with little gold flowers scattered along the sides.

            Anger surged through my body all of a sudden. Tears soaked my cheeks and blinded me as I hurled the teacup against the nearest wall and smashed in a million of pieced. I turned and grabbed another teacup, a blue one, and chucked it at the wall.

            I grabbed another.

            Then another.

            Then another.

            And another, until I ran out of teacups to throw at the wall. My throat was raw from screaming, the floor was covered in glass and decorated shards, and the wall was a bit dented.

            I go to grab another one, and when I go to throw it I stop and look at it.

            It was Levi’s favorite teacup. The one he used almost every day unless it was in the dishwasher.

            I stared at the cup for a second, and then let out a watery sob. I drop to the floor, glass shards sticking inside my skin. I held the cup to my chest, trying to make my heart stop hurting.

 

            _“So why is this your favorite cup anyway?” I teased Levi as he made his morning cup of tea. We were both in our pajamas from the night before, him with his shirt still off and me with a Nirvana shirt._

_“Hell if I know. Can’t a man just not like a something without a special reason?” he scoffed. I smiled as he made his way towards me on the couch, taking the empty spot next to me. He put his arm over the couch, inviting me in to some cuddle time before facing the day._

_I laughed at him. “I’m not saying you can’t, I was just curious. That cup is older than our relationship.”_

_“That’s because you’re a baby compared to me,” he said. I rolled my eyes, leaning my head on his chest. We sat there for a little while as the TV ran. I felt him run his lean fingers through my hair, and I almost wanted to ask him if we could just back to bed to cuddle when he started talking._

_“The cup was said to be my mother’s,” he breathed. Levi never really talked about his mother much, just a few things here and there. “Kenny said that she saw it at a yard sale once, when she was pregnant with me, and immediately thought of me. You think that’s weird, thinking of a baby while looking at a small ass teacup, but she told him that it was graceful, strong, and gentle looking, which was what she wanted her son to grow up as. To be a true man who knows how to be strong and gentle at the same time, especially for their loved ones. She also had a weird obsession about me being a boy, and the patterns on the cup being blue just fed that obsession.”_

_I hummed. “I like that idea . . . sure it’s just a teacup but I like the way she thought about you. And it is a strong cup; I’ve dropped it enough times in the sink to know that fucker doesn’t break.”_

_“I fucking know, right? It’s like a Nokia phone; you could run over it and it would be fine without a scratch!” he laughed. He pressed a kiss into my hair. “I also love it because it makes me happy that my mom though of me, and loved me enough before she even met me.”_

_I turned my body to him, taking the cup from his hand and setting it down gently on the coffee table next to us. I straddled his hips, wrapping my arms around his neck as his went around my waist._

_“Well I’m glad that you love it, and that you still have it. And I’m sorry for dropping it in the sink so many times.” I mumbled against his lips. He moaned against my mouth, and my toes curled at the feeling of pure happiness inside my belly._

_“Mmm, I might have to punish you for dropping it, now.”_

_“Oh, really?” I giggled. I yelped as he grabbed my thighs and picked both of us off the couch and carried us to the bedroom down the hall._

_“Yes, **really.”**_

 

 

 

            I couldn’t breathe. I was gripping the teacup so hard I was scared I was going to finally break it and I couldn’t bring myself to lighten my grip.

            I needed Levi.

            I _needed_ him with me, right here and right fucking now. My heart and body couldn’t take this separation anymore, and the reality really hasn’t fully set in yet. I wanted to go home. I hated being in this empty apartment, one that once brought me happy memories that now only brings me sad ones.

            After what felt like years, my breathing slowly calms. I tried to get myself to stand up, but my legs were not doing it, and were a little scraped up from the glass I had been kneeling on. I look at the mess I had made, the small pile of Levi’s teacups in the corner of the kitchen.

            A sob escapes me. I had just ruined some of Levi’s items; ones that I was very limited in this world. I couldn’t ask him to buy more so I could feel more at home, and it wouldn’t be the same if I replaced him. I feel ashamed that I made such a mess in a pathetic moment of anger.

            I bit my lip as I tenderly set Levi’s favorite cup in the cabinet, and went to get the broom and dustpan. If Levi were here, he’d yell at me to pick up my mess after screaming at me for being childish. If Levi were here, he’d clean after me to make sure I cleaned up properly.

            If Levi were here, we’d be going to bed in silence, but making up by cuddling in our bed.

            If Levi were here, I wouldn’t have just destroyed his teacups in anger.

            I sweep the mess into the dustpan, grinding my teeth to make sure I stopped crying as I cleaned up my mess.

            Not because I kept crying at the thing I destroyed.

            But for Levi, who I hope would be proud of me, I cleaned the space three times in a row before I deemed in acceptable to leave.


	4. Depressed and Lost

This might not make sense to you, but I feel dead inside.   
I know, I’m already dead, but I haven’t felt it until now. I had spent the time after my breakdown cleaning the penthouse until it was above Levi’s standards, and hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep.   
I was also just very nervous because today I’d be starting Guardian Angel training with Maria and a few others. Nerves began to kick in at the thought of my time of grieving was considered over, and now I had to start working to make sure that others like me go when their time comes, and bring them here so that they have someplace to go after death.   
Maria told me that since there were not a lot new angels at this time that she offered to be my partner until they could find someone. I thanked God or whoever was up there for this mix up; I didn’t feel like socializing or being friendly to new people quit yet, and Maria said that was very normal for new ones.   
Maria guided me to the lecture room, where a Guardian Angel will be lecturing us on what exactly our job is, the rules, and what to do in certain situations. From what I could tell, the lecture room was a basic college lecture hall, with rows of chairs and desk, all going uphill, with a huge chalkboard and desk at the bottom.   
“Hurry up, you maggots! I don’t feel like being here until the end of the century, thank you very much!” someone shouted at us as we piled in the lecture hall.   
Wait a minute . . . that voice . . .   
“Don’t you dare walk past me without saying ‘hello,’ Jaeger!”   
I whip around to see no other than Keth Shadis, my old high school teacher. He looked the same as he did when I graduated high school; tall, bald, and overall terrifying.   
“Mr. Shadis!” I walked over to him and shook his hand. He actually looked, dare I say, happy. “What the hell are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be back at the school terrorizing future citizens?”  
He chuckled. “I was, that was until I had a stroke in the middle of my history class. At least I went out doing what I loved.”  
“And what was that?” I asked.   
“Scaring the shit out of teenagers, what else do you think?” he stated. He looked at the people coming into the room, and then back at me. “What I want to know if why the fuck you’re here, Jaeger. Last I heard you were getting married to that asshat of a midget. Ackerman’s cousin, correct?”  
I sadly smiled. “Yes sir, I was. Car accident after our rehearsal dinner. Died on impact.”  
His eyes widened. “Well fuck kid, that’s absolute shitty luck.”   
“Tell me about it,” I scoffed, eyes watering a little. It felt so good to see a familiar face, especially one from my youth. “You have no idea how good it is to you, sir. How long have you been here?”  
“About three years, give or take a few months.” Shadis shut the door as soon as the last angel walked through. There were probably 100 angels in the room by now. “I’m sad to see that you are here, Jaeger. No one your age should be here.”   
“Well, I guess the Big Guy had other plans for me.” I shrugged. I didn’t have the energy to tell him that I knew I shouldn’t be here; that I should’ve been on my honeymoon right now instead of taking his class again.   
Shadis nodded, a solemn look on his face. “Why don’t you go take a seat over there, and we’ll schedule a time to catch up.” With a wobbly smile, I thanked him and sat down next to Maria and Ginny in the front row.   
The next two hours consisted of listening to Shadis yell at the newbies; they either talked too much in the back or not enough for his liking in the front.   
“Don’t ever interfere with a mortal that is not assigned to you. This will result in suspension, or you being fired and assigned somewhere else in Heaven.” Keith went on. “If I hear that you interfered with a death that was scheduled to happen, I don’t care if it was an asshole business man or your sweet elderly gam gam named Candy, I will personally rip your head off of your shoulders with my bare hands. Do you understand?”  
“Yes, sir!” most angels in the lecture hall yelled, save for the few that were too scared to make noise. I just nodded; same old Keith Shadis, scaring people to death and causing them to shit themselves.   
“You will not ‘haunt’” Shadis did air quotation marks. “your loved ones. There is no contact whatsoever. This is not only for their mental health, but for yours as well. We cannot have a bunch of angels not doing their jobs correctly because they decided it was funny to scare their previous neighbors into leaving their apartment.” He glared a group of loud teens in the back, who all laughed and high fived.   
“There is no switching mortal assignments unless me, Maria, or anyone other higher ups give you permission. You get a maximum of three humans at a time, all who’s deaths will be about a week after you first see them. Your job is to just make their life a little better before the end comes; whether that’s dropping a twenty dollar bill on the ground, helping them realize they need to get their shit together, or hell, help them find that one last condom before they bang the hooker from down the street.”   
“Keith!” Maria hissed. The room laughed as we watched Shadis get scolded at.   
“Sorry,” he sheepishly smiled. Maria just rolled her eyes. I smiled; it was nice seeing that even in death, surrounded by depressed people who still need to come to terms with their death, that some people were joking around.   
“Your job as a Guardian Angel, it to watch over whoever your assigned.” Keith continued. He suddenly turned serious. “It is very rare that you are assigned to someone you knew in your past life, especially a loved one. Though it is rare, it has happened. If this happens to you and you feel as if you cannot handle it, please come see me or Maria.   
When you are assigned, you will get a watch. Think of it as those Pear watch things . . .”  
I spoke up. “It’s an Apple watch, Keith!”   
He whipped his head towards my direction. “If I call it a Pear Watch, then that’s what it fucking is. Watch your tone, Jaeger.” He sassed back. I just grinned as Maria stared at me in amusement.   
“Anyway, before I was rudely interrupted, your watch will have all of your assignments already stored, along with their pictures, names, health conditions, other records, and of course, their death clock. This is obviously a clock that counts down the minutes until their death. Along with their information, is the cause of death. When this time comes, you have the right to make the decision to show yourself to them if that’s what you think will help calm them. Things like suicide, murder, car accidents,” he glanced over to me. “Times when they are dying slowly and just need someone there for their last few seconds. To make it so they peacefully go.”   
Someone a few rows behind me raised their hand and Mr. Shaid pointed to them.   
“What happens when they are dying, and they see us, and then announce it?” some girl asked. I think I met her at the gathering a few days ago. I think her name is Gabbi. “Are we supposed to be a huge secret like Bigfoot or something?”  
“Usually the dying with mention something about an angel,” Keith started. “But usually the people around them will assume it’s their brain shutting down, causing hallucinations or going into shock. Any other dumb questions?”  
“What do you do to us if you see that we are visiting our loved ones? Do we just get fired?” Ginny asked him.   
Keith looked at the floor. “There are times when you will see your loved ones accidentally, which is something we can’t prevent. It will be hard to see or get through, but that’s just how the world works. If you decide to leave your post, and god forbid your assignment is dying while you decide to see that old hooker of yours, you will be terminated from Guardian Angelship. I don’t care if you have unfinished business, if you need to tell them you buried treasure under their fucking toilet, you do not, under any circumstance, visit your loved one in person. End of story.”   
I looked down at my hands. They were shaking.   
How was I supposed to see if my family was doing alright without me? Am I just supposed to constantly think they are thinking of me and finally moving on? What about Levi? I watched him crying over me on Maria’s laptop; what if he doesn’t move on and ruins his life? I didn’t want that to happen to him or any of my family members.   
“There is usually an exception to the rule, however.” Maria speaks up next to me. Everyone’s’ head turned towards her. She stood up and walked over to Shadis. “If you know for a fact a family member of yours is dying, whether it was from previous knowledge of a condition, or you know of an angel who is assigned to them, come talk to me or Keith. If you have no assignments at the time, or their death clock shows that their death is too far away for you to even keep track of them at the moment, you can build a case for it, and see if you can get permission. We know that people who are dying tend to be calmer with angels that were once lovers, family members, or even role models. But once again, this will only happen if you gain permission from me or Keith over here.”   
Keith looked at a tad upset that no one looked terrified anymore. “Yeah yeah, what Mother Theresa said. Any other questions? If not, grab a hand book, a watch, and for the love of God, please don’t beg me to switch partners. I will not put up with that shit.”

 

 

 

“FUCKING DAMNIT!” I screamed as I was thrown against the wall.   
“Jesus Christ Jaeger, I won’t remember you being this shit of an athlete in high school.” Shadis scolded.   
A few days after our first lecture, we were all thrown into different departments to learn more specifics of our job. Some people went to emergency scenarios, psychology, how to talk a person out of going into the light or vice versa, etc.   
Of course I was stuck with the transportation department, which included using out new “powers” to transport ourselves to wherever our assignment is. For the last few hours, I’ve had to attempt to transport myself to stand next to Shadis . . . who was only thirty fucking feet away.   
Instead of standing next to him, I always end up airborne and hurdling towards the wall and floor, all which were padded for our safety, thank fuck.   
“Well in high school, I wasn’t magically transporting myself to another place like in some sci-fi movie.” I grumbled as I got up.   
“Well lucky for you, the day is over.” Keith said. As we left the training room, Keith shut off the lights and locked up the door. I looked out one of the big windows that lined up the long hallway, and saw that it was now night time.  
“What time is it?” I asked him. Keith grunted.   
“Probably eight o’clock, give or take. Dinner was an hour ago, but I figured you’d want to catch up.”   
I smirked. “Oh yeah, catch up with the one person who terrorized me all throughout my high school career.”   
“Hey shithead, without me you wouldn’t even have passed history, let alone graduated. Be grateful I put up with your annoying ass.” He laughed. It was weird seeing Mr. Shadis this way; all happy and smiling. Usually he was screaming in anger, his voice cracking and veins popping out of his bald forehead.   
We spent the next half hour catching up on what we were doing before we died. Shadis mentioned how he was just shy of retiring and going to Europe with his wife before his death. Apparently he was in the middle of a class, filled with sophomores, when he started to slur for no reason.   
“I remember teaching them about the Mayans. All of a sudden they looked confused and worried. I noticed my left side was tingling, then went numb. My body felt heavy, and my eyesight started to blur. I was barely able to say ‘get the nurse’ before I hit the ground. I was declared dead on the way to the hospital.” He explained.   
We were sitting in the courtyard, which was basically just one huge garden. There were stone benches, which we were sitting on, and in the middle was a stone fountain.   
“Oh man, that sucks.” I commented. He hummed. “I was on the way home from our rehearsal dinner. Levi and I . . .”  
“The asshat midget?” Keith interrupted. “The one who always talked back? Graduated a few years before you?”  
“Yes,” I stiffly stated. I sometimes forgot that Levi went to my high school years before I did, and that he always sassed the teachers, especially Shadis. “Anyway, Levi and I were just talking. We were mentioning how our wedding was the next day, how we thought it was going to go. Hell, he was reminding me to memorize my vows. Then all of a sudden, I hear him scream my name.” My eyes began to filled with tears.   
Will this crying ever fucking stop?  
“It was the worst sound I ever heard. I never heard him so scared and pained, and I wasn’t able to register what happened before we were hit.”   
Shadis wrapped his arm around the top of my shoulders. My shoulders started to shake as I lost control of my cries.   
“God, I didn’t get to say goodbye. I just got a job as a teacher in the school right down the road from us, Mikasa and Armin bought a new house, Mom and Dad were finally able to save enough for their anniversary cruise, and now I’m going to miss all of it. FUCK! Will this crying ever fucking stop!” I harshly rubbed at my face.   
“Hey, Eren.” Shadis raised his voice. I was so shocked that he called me by my first name that I stopped crying for the moment. “Not all of us ever got to say goodbye. The morning of the day of my stroke I woke up, kissed my sleeping wife on the cheek, got dressed, and left for work. Like I did every day.” He started to choke up, his voice becoming thick and wobbly. “The last thing I said to her was ‘Don’t forget to get more toilet paper at the store tomorrow’ before I turned over and went to sleep. It kills be every day that I didn’t get a chance to tell her I loved her before I left, and I know that’s how you feel. That’s how a lot of people here feel. Maria? She never got to see her little baby before she came here. Just photos. She was so pained she thought she had to change her name just to give the allusion that this was a new start, when really this is just the beginning of the grieving stage.”   
I sniffled and rubbed my nose with my sleeve. “Do you ever stop crying after every little thing? I mention Levi’s name and I started sobbing.”   
For the first time since I’ve been here, I got a good look at old Keith Shadis. When I was in school he was in his mid 50’s, and he didn’t have as many wrinkles as he did now. The dark circles under his eyes faded a little, probably due to being an angel now, but they weren’t completely gone. He looked older, and it saddened me that he died so suddenly without any closure. If anyone deserved it, it was Keith Shadis, who fucking devoted himself to teaching kids and died doing it (literally.)   
“The pain will never go away,” he started to explain. His hand rubbed my shoulder, trying to comfort me. “But there will be a time it will get slightly better. One day, many years from now, you’ll realize that there’s not a lot of use in crying, and you have to move on.”  
“How do you know if you moved on?”   
There was that sad, but very rare smile. “The day you can talk about Levi, or your family, without crying, is the day you finally accepted that you need to move on. This doesn’t mean you can’t miss them and occasionally cry for them, but at least you’ll be able to live on their memory without breaking down.”  
I bit my lip. “Have you accomplished that yet, sir?”   
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I used to be like you; crying every time I mentioned my wife. But now I can talk about her and think about our forty years together without feeling like I’m dying inside. There are times when I do occasionally throw things and break them,” I thought back to Levi’s tea cups. “but I’m able to calm myself down.”   
“I appreciate you talking to me about this, and helping me.” I told him.   
“It’s no problem, Jaeger.” He frowned. “It’s just sad to see that you’re here. You have so much life ahead of you, so much to give to those brats you call children, and yet fate decided to bite you in the ass. That’s one reason I hate my job as a trainer here; I have to see all of the young people whose lives were just starting here, all depressed and lost, and there’s nothing I can do to help them. All because fate was cruel and cut their lives short.” He turned his head towards me. “I hope one day, maybe in another life, you get that. Forty years or more years with your spouse, building a family, and actually preparing for life after death. But not this . . . anything but this life.”   
Tears streamed down my face some more. It broke my heart that here I am, feeling sorry for myself, when I’ve been seeing kids who were as young as five years old at training. I was able to live a little; learn how to drive, go to college, fall in love. They weren’t able to do anything.   
“I hope that we’re both lucky next time,” I said. Keith raised an eyebrow. “I hope we’re lucky enough to at least say goodbye before we left.”   
He through his head back and laughed, a harsh, mocking laugh.   
“Me too kid, me too.”


	5. I Will Always be There

_“Eren, I’m home!” Levi called to me as he shut the front door._

_“In the kitchen!” I yelled back. I listened as he put his briefcase down, chuckling as he swore at our cat._

_“Your fucking cat is going to kill me one day, brat.” He scoffed as he came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist._

_I hummed. “Funny how he’s my cat when he’s in trouble.” I turned the knob on the burner on low so the tomato sauce didn’t burn. Turning around to face Levi, I wrap my arms around his neck as I breathed in his musky scent. “How was work?”_

_He groaned, nuzzling into my neck. “Fucking awful. So much shit went wrong and since Hange is on maternity leave I as the only one who knew how to fix everything. How were the brats?”_

_“Messy and bratty as always,” I grinned. We stood there for a few moments, basking in each other’s presence and warmth, relaxing after a long day. “You hungry? Dinner will be ready soon. It’s spaghetti.” I lightly scratched his undercut, making him groan a little._

_“Mmmmm, that sounds so good.” He mumbled._

_“How about you go sit down and I’ll get our food, okay?” I asked. He slowly nodded and I turned around to grab some bowls._

_As I drained the noodles and put our food into bowls, I began to tell him more about my day. Mostly how the kids drew on the walls, how I had to yell at a kid to not eat glue, and about this kid named James who always seems to think it’s funny to make fart noises during story time. Levi just hummed and yeahed through everything, but I knew who was actually paying attention despite his tiredness._

_“So, when would you like to go see my parents?” I asked. I turned around, a small smile on my face when I see Levi near the dinner table, kneeling on one knee, with a small black box in his hand._

_My jaw dropped._

_“Now before you say anything,” Levi started. “I took forever to do this because I couldn’t think of the perfect place to do this. I know you’re a die-hard romantic, but nothing seemed to come to mind when I decided to do this. Then I thought,” he licked his lips and took a deep breath. “We have a wonderful home, one that we plan on spending the rest of our lives in. This places makes the both of us happy, and honestly I couldn’t think of a better memory that could be added here than this.”_

_I gave him a watery smile, tears running down my cheeks. I realized I was still holding two bowls of spaghetti and quickly put them on the table._

_“You gave me life, Eren.” Levi’s voice cracked, his eyes becoming a bit red. “This might be cliché but you made me love again, and God, I don’t know what I’d do without you. I want to spend the rest of my life cherishing you, loving you, and making you so fucking happy.” He opened the box, and I sobbed some more. God, I’m such a cry baby._

_“Eren Jaeger, you are literally the light of my life, and I couldn’t even imagine what life would be like without you. Will you marry me?”_

_I hiccupped as I tried to say yes, but instead I just nodded frantically. I got on my knees and wrapped my arms around him. “Yes, yes, yes, oh god yes!”_

_Levi laughed as I tackled him, and we had to move because his knees started hurting. He had to even carry me to the couch because I was crying and blubbering, and I just continued to sit there in his lap and we wiped off each other’s tears._

_“Was my speech that bad, love?” he chuckled. I shook my head._

_“God no, it was beautiful. That’s probably why I’m such a mess right now.” I tried to wipe my cheeks._

_“A beautiful mess,” he nuzzled my cheek. “So am I going to keep the ring in the box or do you want it on that gorgeous finger of yours?” Giggling, I held my hand out for him as his slid the most dazzling ring on my finger._

_“I love you,” I sniffled. I grabbed his handsome face and smashed our lips together. “God, I love you!”_

_“Mmm, and I love you. So fucking much,” he whispered against my lips._

_*******************************************************_

            I fiddled with my ring as a sat across from Maria, which is a habit I’ve developed over the last nine months. I never took it off, and when I did it was only to shower.

            “Now Eren,” Maria started. “I noticed you and Ian haven’t been getting alone during your missions.”

            After finishing training, I was assigned with Ian, an annoying blonde who though he was fucking God and expected me to treat him as such. The moment he found out I was gay, he tried to get me to blow him by hinting and always making jokes.

            “No, we haven’t! He keeps coming onto me even after I ask him to stop. He expects me to do all the work, and literally just sits there and does nothing.” I scoffed.

            Maria smiled gently. “I know, hon, but you got to remember Ian’s been having a tough time like you. He just happens to cope differently than you, and you have to realize that.”

            I sighed. “I know, I know.” I began to twist my ring faster on my finger. “It’s just that I’m uncomfortable, Maria. He keeps assuming that we’re going to do something sexual and I don’t like it. I know he’s joking around, it’s just, just, infuriating!”

            “Eren I know,” she said. “It’s hard trying to do a very important job with someone who’s very different from you, especially under these kind of circumstances.” I rolled my eyes a little. Circumstances meaning death, yes, I understand you Maria. Now please just let me go so I can take a fucking nap.

            “I also wanted to talk to you about something else,” Maria added. I looked up at her. “I’ve noticed that you are still a little unsocial with the other angels, and I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

            I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. “Of course I’m okay.”

            “Then why haven’t you been sleeping, Eren?” Maria raised an eyebrow. My eyes were already sore from the lack of sleep, and because my brain was so sleep deprived I was more emotional than usual. Tears stung the back of my eyes.

            “I keep dreaming about him,” I gasped. Maria knew who “he” was, “he” meaning Levi. She handed me a box of tissues. “Last night was so horrible; I dreamed that it was our wedding day, and as stupid as it sounds, that fucking truck that killed me crashed through the walls and hit me. Over, and over, and over, and I don’t know how to make it stop!”

            Maria ran around her desk and hugged me, letting me sob into her shoulder. It brought back gut wrenching memories of me coming here all those months ago, and it made me cry harder.

            “I don’t know why, but I always feel so guilty all the time! There’s no reason, but it keeps happening! I’ll be having a good day, and then my shitty brain will remind me of what I lost and I just can’t do it anymore.” I cried.

            “Oh, honey.” She chuckled, rubbing my back. “Sounds to me like you’re close to moving on. I know, it doesn’t make much sense, but listen to me. You said you’re constantly feeling guilty? That’s you, moving on. You’re not crying everyday like you used to, you’ve talked to me about Levi, Mikasa, and your mom with just a few tears, and now you’re just realizing it.”

            I bit my lip. Moving on meant forgetting, and I didn’t want to forget. I wanted to relish in the idea of my family, of Levi, for longer, but how long can I do that before I go absolutely crazy?

           

 

 

 

****************************************************           

 

It wasn’t until two years after the crash that I stopped crying at the mere thought of Levi or my family.

            There were still days I cried, like on Levi’s birthday.

I sobbed in our bed at the thought of him so alone on his birthday, after me trying for years to make it such a happy occasion. Another time I cried was the day after, thinking about our what – would – have – been - first anniversary of marriage. Maria held my hand as I cried so hard I threw up in the trash can next to our bed as my other hand held on tight to the picture of Levi.

            I was having lunch with Maria and Shadis when it happened. Shadis was flirting with Maria like he always does (which he still continues to denies to this day) and I just sat there, drinking my coffee and laughing how Maria was so oblivious.

            “So Eren,” Maria had turned towards me. “Are you ready for your new mission starting next week? I have the file here if you wanted to start looking at it.”

            “Mm, I’m actually excited for this one!” I grinned. “It’s a few miles away from my home, and I know it’s against the rules, but maybe I’ll just happen to see how well Levi and my family are doing. ” I had sipped at my coffee some more.

            “Eren!” Maria gasped so loudly I almost dropped my cup.

            “What?” I raised an eyebrow. “Did I say something wrong?”

            Maria just giggled and held me hands. “No, love. Did you realize what you just said?” I shook my head very confused. “You just mentioned Levi and your family without getting choked up or crying!”

            She was right.

            I haven’t felt the need to cry over Levi or my family in the last few weeks, and this is the first time in a while I’ve have to say his name out lot.

            Suddenly I felt horrible; I know I’m supposed to move on, but what about them? Do they still cry over me? Does Levi leave the house, clean, go to work, everything I know he didn’t do after I passed on? If not, is it fair that I move on before he did?

            How could I feel so good about myself for finally getting past this when he might not have?

            “Eren it’s okay for you to move on,” Shadis whispered, breaking me out of my thoughts. I looked over to him; he gave me a small smile, which was very rare of him, and went back to his coffee.

            I bit my lip and stood up. “Excuse me, I-” I took a breath. “I just need a moment.”

            I practically ran to my apartment, with Maria on my heels. I wasn’t even able to shut the door completely before she busted in my room.  Maria shut the door quickly before coming up to me.

            “Sweetheart, I didn’t mean to make you upset.” She claimed. “I was just so happy for you and you worked so hard for it!”

            “It’s okay, Maria.” I smiled. My heart ached a little at the words. “I just wasn’t expecting to be over them, you know?”

            Maria pulled me into a hug. “Oh Eren, I do know. You spend so long thinking that you’ll never get over the life you lost, and when you actually do, it hits you like a train.”

            I sniffed. “I just want to know that he’s okay, Maria.”

            “I know,” she whispered.

            Pulling away, I bring my hand up to look at my ring. This ring was supposed to symbolize a life of love with Levi, a promise to love each other till death do us part.

            Death has already parted us.

            Maybe it was time for me to let go . . .

           To let Levi go.

 

******************************* 

            _“Do I really have to go with you?” I whined._

_“Eren, you know I can’t go to the reunion by myself.” Mikasa stated as she helped me pack._

_“I’m not even related to you guys!”_

_“I do not care!” she huffed. “The last thing I need is to be forced to socialize with relatives I haven’t seen since I was a baby.”_

_Dear god, there is no way out of this, is there? I sighed as I agreed, though that didn’t mean much as I watched her throw our bags into her car._

_Hours later I’m sitting among many other Ackermans, and most of them were over sixty years old. Mikasa and I sat right next to each other, with her sitting next to her Grandma Helen and me sitting next to an empty chair. I guess someone is either late or decided not to show._

_Most likely the latter._

_“Where is that boy? He said he was coming!” Grandpa Lou hissed, banging his fist on the table._

_“Levi said he was coming, he’s just a little late is all.” Grandma Helen persisted._

_I leaned over to Mikasa. “Who’s Levi?”_

_She swallowed he mouthful of turkey and mashed potatoes. “My cousin. He goes to college a few hours away. No one really sees him since my Uncle Kenny and him are kind of loners.” She took a sip of water. “Though I hope that shit stick shows up soon; he’s the only one I can really stand.”_

_“Oh, so I’m ‘shit stick’ now? Better than ‘short stack,’” someone behind us says._

_I turned around to see who it was, and god, I’ve never seen anything so beautiful._

_Like everyone else at the table besides me, he has raven black hair in an undercut, and his pale skin was mostly covered up by a burgundy button up and black jacket._

_“Sorry I’m late, I had to carpool with a few classmates and well, one of them is a fucking horrible piece of shit driver.” He scoffed, pulling out the chair next to me. As he sat down, he looked over to me, and I swear my heart stopped._

_His eyes were something else. At first they looked gray, which was unique by itself, but if you looked closely, there was a mix of blue._

_“Who the fuck is this?” he nodded towards my direction._

_“Levi!” Grandpa Marcus hissed. “This is no place for that kind of language!”_

_Levi clicked his tongue. “Well fuck, grandpa, I thought we were all adults here. Well,” he looked at me and Mikasa. “Except for these two brats here.”_

_“Brats?” I asked. All eyes turned towards me._

_Levi chuckled. “Yes, brats. What are you, fourteen years old? You must be around that age if you’re a friend of Mikasa’s.”_

_My jaw dropped. After hours of being surrounded by well-mannered people, this was a change of pace that I could not keep up with . . . though I found it intriguing._

_For the rest of dinner, everyone else made conversation save for me and Levi. I’d notice him sneaking glances my way, and right as we make eye contact my face would heat up as I tried to look away as fast as I could._

_Dessert was coming to an end, and it was time for “social time,” as Helen called it. This mean that those who could drank their fancy adult drinks while everyone mingles._

_Mikasa went to bed early; since we were here for two days and lived too far to go home, Mikasa’s grandmother Eileen was kind enough to let us stay in her house where the reunion was being held._

_Eileen had two living rooms, though I didn’t see the need for them._

_The bigger one the family was using to mingle, while I snuck off into the smaller one to finally get a moment of peace and quiet._

_As I flipped through channels on Eileen’s monstrous flat screen tv, I heard a knock on the door._

_“Am I interrupting anything?” Levi asked, shutting the door behind him. He walked over and sat down on the couch next to me._

_“No,” I laughed. “Just trying to get away from the noise. Mikasa went to bed because she had work tomorrow, and I didn’t feel like sleeping, so.”_

_“Ah,” he nodded. We sat watching Sherlock for a few moments, before he spoke up again._

_“So Eren, what year are you in high school?” he asked._

_“I’m a freshman with Mikasa,”_

_“Hmm, I remember those days. God, they fucking sucked.” Levi took his jacket off, and rolled up his sleeves. Dear Christ. How are his forearms that muscular? I was sure I was drooling. “Surrounded by fucking assholes and idiots every day, teachers constantly telling you when or when not to go take a shit. It was fucking exhausting.”_

_I couldn’t help it. I started to giggle against my better judgment. Levi smiled at me._

_“You have a very cute giggle,” he whispered. I stopped laughing, biting my lip._

_“I don’t giggle.” I murmured, playing with the sleeves of my shirt._

_Levi scoffed. “Then what the fuck was that adorable sound I just heard?”_

_“I think you’re hearing things. Old people do tend to hallucinate when they get older.”_

_“Oh fuck off, I’m not old!”_

_“Well to me you’re a senior citizen.”_

_“Well to me you’re practically a baby.”_

_We stared at each other for a second, then busted into laughter. We continued watching a few episodes of Sherlock, but it was mostly for background noise as we continued to talk about anything that came to mind._

_“So you literally told your professor to fuck off?” I asked, eyes wide in shock._

_Levi took a sip of scotch he stole from his grandma’s cabinet. “Of course I fucking did. He was trying to tell everyone that gay people were a menace to society, and I couldn’t stand his stupidity anymore. I immediately transferred classes after that.”_

_“So,” I started. “You’re gay?”_

_Levi nodded. “Straighter than a fucking circle. You?”_

_I nodded. “Yeah.”_

_“Good, cause that would make this less awkward.”_

_“Make what less awkward?”_

_As soon as the words came out of my mouth, his luscious lips were on mine. I moaned at the contact, seeing as this was only my second kiss in my life. My hands wrapped around his neck as he leaned more towards me. He pulled away, our faces millimeters apart._

_“I’ve been wanting to do that since I first walked in. I took one look at those gorgeous, bright eyes of yours, and I knew I had to do it.” he breathed._

_I hummed, fingers gently scratching his undercut. “Hmm, well I’m glad you did it.” I smiled. My heart fluttered as Levi grinned down at me, letting me see his true smile for the first time._

_The next day Mikasa and I left to go home, her with a new found hatred for her Grandma Eileen’s choice of beds, and me with Levi’s number._

********************** 

           

 

            There were stories of angels running into their loved ones during a mission. It would be a complete accident, or maybe on purpose, but they’re still come back a mess. We spent all this time as angels to finally have peace and move on, only to get a reminder that as our loved ones move forward, we our stuck here with all of our memories and “what ifs.”

            As much as I thought about seeing my family or Levi on a mission, I didn’t think it would actually happen. Maria and Shadis are usually good at making sure guardians stay clear of the area their families are in, but sometimes it can’t be helped.

            Ian and I were making sure a woman named Gina was brought to heaven after a long battle with cancer. She took a lot of convincing to come with us, like they usual, but we eventually got her to come with us.

            As we were about to leave the hospital, I saw him.

            Levi.

            I stopped breathing, and before Ian could stop me I was following him. I eventually lost him in a crowd on the street, and started to panic.

            It wasn’t long before I used the GPS system on my bracelet to track him down, immediately transporting there.

            He wasn’t at work like I thought he would be, since it was a Tuesday. He was at a cemetery, and god, did that not make me start tearing us when I saw him kneeling in front of a gravestone.

            As I watched, he laid out a blanket, and sat down fully. I snorted; of course he wasn’t going to dirty his fucking pants. Even though I knew he couldn’t hear or see me, I carefully sat down next to him on the blanket and looked at the grave in front of him.

            It was mine.

            “Hello, love.” He started. I took a shaky breath in; it’s been so long since I’ve heard his voice. “I know it’s been a while since I last visited. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.”

            Levi coughed, clearing his throat and sniffing a little. I notice he’s playing with something around his neck and gasp when I see that it’s my engagement ring, along with another ring I haven’t seen before.

            “This was supposed to be your wedding band . . . I would’ve shown you before but Hange found this in my lock box. I couldn’t bring myself to open it.

            “A lot has happened these last few years, love. I got that promotion at work that I was working so hard to get, so that’s a plus I guess. Mikasa and Armin come by the apartment for dinner every Saturday night to not only check on me, but so I can check on them. I still visit the doctor for my ankle; it’s still fucked up even six years after a car crash. Fucking asshole piece of shit doctors, they say they can’t do much even though I’ve had like three surgeries already.”

            I giggled at his crude language; I miss it so much.

            There’s a moment of silence as I watch his compose himself. Tears are building up in both of our eyes, and in that moment I felt horrible for intruding.

            “It’s been six years without you, Eren. Six years without your smile, your voice, your laugh, and it’s killing me. I haven’t been able to start another relationship without breaking down because they’re not you. Nightmares about that night are a common thing for me, and fuck, I can’t get your screaming out of my head.” His voices cracks. The first few tears start to trickle down his cheeks, as do mine. I go to hold his hands, but met with disappointment when I couldn’t feel them.

            “We were so happy and so ready to run the world together, and yet some dickwad in the sky thought it was okay to ruin it. I’ve been more bitter than usual since you left; you were the first person to make me feel alive again, after years of heartache, and you were taken from me too soon. You were taken in such a horrendous way, and there was no saving you. I was stuck in the fucking driver’s seat while you just bled out in front of me and I just kept praying to whatever god above that you were just unconscious. I talked to you calmly, like you’re supposed to in that type of situation, until helped arrived, but it was to goddamn late. Fate thought it’d be funny to have you taken from me the day before our wedding. Jesus Christ, you were declared dead a few minutes after midnight, on my fucking birthday. Happy birthday to me, I guess!”

            My whole body was quaking with sobs, and it only made it worse when Levi has to stop talking. He covered his mouth with his hands, trying to keep quiet but failing. I prayed to anyone to let me hold him just this once, just so I could comfort him.

            We spent the next ten minutes just crying next to each other, with me watching him and him being so oblivious to the fact that I was sitting right next to him.

            Levi wiped his nose with his sleeve, something he would never have done before. “Kenny used to tell me stories about my mom, and how she would’ve loved you. He always said ‘If Kuchel was alive today she’d adopt Eren’s ass since he’s not all doom and gloom.’ Of course I never met her, but sometimes when I think of you being alone wherever you are, I just try to imagine you and her helping each other. It’s the only thing that keeps me going because I know your worst fear was being alone.”

            “Oh, Levi.” I rubbed his cheek, trying to rid his face of the tears. He was looking straight at me, and it felt like old times. Time seemed to slow down for us, and it was just me and him again. All those nights cuddling on the couch, making love, having days when it was just _us,_ didn’t seem like that long ago.

            He continued. “I always thought my worst fear was being alone, but really, it was losing you, sweetheart. I know I’m not alone, but god, life it absolute shit with you not by my side. I tried my absolute best to always be there for you, and now I’m not, even though I promised.”

            I fiddled with my ring.

            “You were always there, Levi. Always. Through my highs, my lows, and everywhere in between. It kills me that I’m not with you, and I still think of you every day. You didn’t break any promises.”

            We stared at each other for a few more moments, and I thought to when we first met. How we just stared at each other in that living room away from his family, and spent the rest of the night just kissing and talking about our lives. His eyes were still just as beautiful, even though they were red and filled with tears.

            He still looked the same as he did six years ago, save for a few differences here and there. I stroked his cheek with the back of my hand, and I swear, he leaned into it. He closed his eyes, and seemed to calm a little.  

            “You are the love of my life,” I stated, my voice wobbly. “I will always love you, and I will never forget you. I can’t wait for the day we can actually see each other again, though I want you to live your best fucking life. Go find someone. Go on dates, get married, have a hundred babies for all I care,” I laughed. Levi’s eyes were still closed, but he seemed to be listening though it was probably just my imagination. “Life is so fucking short for you to continue on this way. I sadly learned that the hard way, but it’s not too late for you. I love you so much, Levi Ackerman, and I will see you again one day.”

            He opened his eyes, staring right back at me. “I love you so fucking much, Eren Jaeger, and I hope that we will see each other again one day. I can’t express to you how much you will always mean to me and how you saved me, and I pray that I will see you again, love. I love you, sweetheart, and I promise I will visit again. It may not be soon, but I promise to come see you. Even if I don’t, I am constantly reminded that you’re always here,” he pointed to his heart. “And hopefully that is true.”

            I smiled, tears still running down my face, and leaned into his ear. Levi gasped as if he heard me whisper in his ear.

            “ _I will always be there._ ”

                                                                                                

           

 

           


	6. Finally Moving On.

            Levi never got married.

            He went on dates, both from online dating sites or from connections with the few friends he had, but nothing really stuck. There was one date that actually ended up in a small relationship, maybe almost a year, but she told him that she couldn’t bear to see him in constant pain for forcing love on himself. Her name was Petra, and I loved her for thinking of him. She was kind and gentle, and it was very rare that she raised her voice. She and Levi work together and have be acquaintances for years before he asked her out for coffee.

            I thought it would pain me to watch him go out with other people that were not me, but actually, I felt more pain when he chose not love anyone.  I didn’t want him to miss out on what he should have because of me; he deserves to be loved and looked after, as well as having a family of his own.

            After coming back from visiting him at the cemetery five years ago, I got my ass chewed by Shadis and Maria. It was against the rules to deliberately visit a loved one while you were on a mission, let alone as an angel. Usually I’d be fired from guardianship, but Shadis claimed that I “accidentally ran into Levi, and the situation couldn’t be helped.” It was the last time I hugged my old high school teacher because he punched my arm, threatening to punch my face if I ever did it again.

            Maria came over to my apartment a few days after the run in with Levi. She brought donuts, like she always does when she comes to see me.

            “Maria?” I had asked through a mouthful of glazed donuts.

            “What?” she smiled at me as she started to put away the box of donuts (most likely to stop me from eating them all.)

            I swallowed the mouthful. “You said your name was Kuchel, right? How common is that name?”

            “I assume not common at all. My mother heard it once in a story, and fell in love with it.”

            “Would your last name happen to be Ackerman?”

            The box of donuts fell to the floor, which I am sad to say I have no cleaned in a while so they were now ruined. She whipped around to face me, her face completely white.

            “How the hell did you know that?” she asked. I bit my lip; Maria never swore like that, not even when she was angry.

            “Kenny was your brother? Mother named Eileen?” She nodded, tears threatening to spill. “Thirty-seven years ago, you gave birth to your son on Christmas. Kenny named him Levi because he knew you read that name in a poem and instantly fell in love with it. He gave your son the teacup you found at a yard sale, the blue one, and I know for a fact he continues to use it every day. Kuchel,” I watched her wince at the name. It’s been so long since someone has called her that, I bet it just brought back bad memories. “I was engaged to your son, Levi.”

            Tears started to run down her face as she crumpled to the ground. I tried to catch all of her weight, but we just fell kneeling on the floor together.

            “Oh, my baby.” She sobbed. “I had a feeling when you said his last name was Ackerman, but I knew that was a common name. I didn’t think that he was my baby.”

            “And he grew up to be the perfect gentlemen you wanted,” I continued, eyes stinging. Kuchel gave me a watery smile. “He cherished that tea cup and grew up to be the strong individual you hoped he would be. We celebrated your birthday every year, and each time we would go visit you at the cemetery. Levi loves you, and god Kuchel, I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone love their mother so fucking much.”

            “I spent all my time here praying my baby wouldn’t hate me for leaving him,” she cried in my chest. “I didn’t want to leave him, Eren.”

            I interrupted her. “And he knows that. He sadly knows that both of us didn’t want to leave him.” I wiped away the tears on her cheek with my thumb. “His birthday is ruined because of us, but because of us he is who he is today; a strong, gentle, smart, lovable man who cares for everyone around him, despite his past. And he’ll always remember us.”

            We stayed crying in each other’s arms for two hours.

 

****************************************

 

            Kuchel went by her old name after that, finally at peace after seeing her baby. I gave her copies of any picture I had of Levi as a child, and she hung them up on the walls in her office and apartment.

            Keith’s wife, Melody, died from a robbery gone wrong. Ever since she got her, he’s been a different person, and honestly it’s weird seeing him be that _happy._

They both explained to me the real reason only certain souls are here to be guardians; those who did not finish their business or come to terms with it help others get to heaven, while those who finally find peace have the choice to stay and be a guardian, or go to heaven. Keith and Melody chose to leave, and we had a huge congratulations party the night before they left. Kuchel said she could leave too, but felt like she needed to help others more than anything.

            I stayed with Kuchel. I loved my job, and hope to continue doing it until a certain somebody arrives.

            When Levi was thirty-nine, thirteen or so years after I died, he came to visit my gravestone one last time, and this time, he had a guest.

            “Eren, I’d like you to meet Eren,” He introduced us. Like last time, I sat across from him, smiling as he played with the toddler in his lap. “My son.”

            I tried containing my tears, but it wasn’t going to happen. He named his fucking beautiful son after me, and it showed that he was moving on with me still in his memory. I looked over the child in front of me, who started to shove his fist into his mouth. He looked to be around two years old, and had bright grey/blue eyes with black hair.

            “Now I know what you’re thinking,’ Levi said. “ _Levi, why the hell did you not wear a condom?’_ Well little Eren here was a happy accident. Petra, you remember me talking about her before, was on antibiotics for bronchitis or some shit, and that caused her birth control to shit the bed. Also, I’m pretty sure my condoms were expired, so there’s that. In my defense, I was really drunk.”

            I giggled; leave it to Levi to curse in front of his kid.

            Levi watched Eren pick at the grass in front of him, stroking his hair. The little boy looked so happy to play with the grass, and I started to laugh hysterically when Levi grimaced and started to clean Eren off with a baby wipe.

            “Honestly, sweetheart, how are you so messy? We’ve been here for five fucking minutes.” He sighed. Eren cooed and giggled, and looked over to me.

            Kuchel warned us at training that children might see angels, and I had never had that issue. I grinned and made a funny face at him, waving.

            He squealed in delight, and to my own delight, waved back at me.

            “Eren!” he pointed directly at me. Levi and I both looked at him in shock. How did he know who I was? Levi looked to where his son was pointing, at me, and swallowed.

            “What?” he asked the toddler.

            Eren continued to point and bounce in his father’s lap. “Eren, Eren, Eren! He’s here!” It was hard to make out what the kid was saying with his slight lisp, but it warmed my heart that he was looking at me and knew what I looked like. I looked over to Levi, whose face didn’t show much emotion as he stared straight at my grave.

            Suddenly, he grinned. His rare, full grin that only happened when he was extremely happy. I grinned back, our eyes meeting, and my heart has never felt so full.

            “Yes he is, baby. Eren will always be here.”

           

 

 

 

 *******************************************************

 

 

            Levi never did come back to my grave, and I never did see him again.

            It was something I slowly came to terms with, that after years of making sure he was alright, he didn’t need me to watch over him anymore. He had Eren to look after, and that little bundle of energy brought light back in Levi’s life again. He smiled, laughed, and holy shit, _celebrated_ Christmas. That baby changed my Levi’s life, and I couldn’t be happier for him.

            There were times I’d lay in bed, thinking about what could have been. How Levi and I could’ve gotten married, had kids of our own, and grow old together, but then I remember about all the lives I’m helping now, and it actually made all the heartache and pain worth it.

            I still wear my engagement ring; I feel naked without it. I’ve grown used to twirling it when I get nervous or impatient, and the one time I didn’t put it back on after a shower I was a cranky bitch all day.

            My mom and dad passed through, both of them passing on of old age. We had a reunion filled with tears and sobs, and promised to see each other when I visited heaven from time to time. Mikasa and Armin eventually came by too, and we now work on missions together. Ian understood me wanting to break up our partnership, but he didn’t seem too mad about it when I caught him and Armin getting it on not too long after a mission.

            I was so used to not seeing familiar faces, and I felt _alive_ again. It was like nothing changed, except for Levi not being here.

            Kuchel and I would sometimes look in on him and Eren, and the day Eren graduated college we watched the whole ceremony, drinking champagne and eating food to celebrate. Eren met a guy named Jordan, and they got married not too long after Eren’s twenty fifth birthday. After the wedding, I stopped looking in on Levi, though Kuchel would keep me up on current events with him when I asked. I figured that I needed to keep my eyes focused on the present, and though I still loved him, I needed to finally let go.

 

 ****************************************************

 

            It was Christmas night, and I laid in bed watching reruns of Sherlock on the television. Everyone else was at Ian’s to celebrate, but I convinced Armin and Mikasa that I just wanted to be alone for the night; it was rare that I got alone time, and god damnit I needed it.

            I look over to Levi’s picture on my nightstand, and smiled. As cheesy as it was, I blew the picture a kiss before settling into bed. “Happy birthday, babe. I love you.”

            Of course, I didn’t get a chance to fall asleep. Right as soon as I was about to fall dead asleep, a knock at my front door was heard.

            I groaned. Maybe if I ignored it they’ll go the fuck away.

            More knocking.

            “Jesus Christ!” I ripped my blankets off of me, pulling them around my shoulders as I marched to the front door. “I just want to fucking sleep! It is so hard to ask for one night off? Mikasa, if it’s fucking you, I shit you not, I will kill you.” I swing the door open, ready to unleash all my crankiness on the person who decided to interrupted my sleep.

            I stopped.

            “Quite a mouth you got there, brat.”

            My jaw dropped open, and my legs felt like jelly. “Levi?”

            Beautiful grey eyes stared back at me, a look of worry flashed across his face. “How are you doing, love? Bet you’re having a wonderful Christmas.”

            “You,” I took a deep breath. “You-you’re here. At my door. On Christmas. Standing right in front of me.”

He gave me a smirk. “Thank you, Captain Obvious. Now are you going to let me in or are you just going to make me stand here all night?”

My legs gave out, and I almost hit the floor before he catches me. Tears are already running down my face when I slam my mouth against his, hands gripping his white shirt as his wrapped around me. God, it’s been so long since I’ve felt his lips on mine. It felt exactly the same as it did the first time in his grandmother’s living room; passionate, soft, explosive, and overall explosive.

I pulled away. “How are you here?”

Levi smiled, moving some hair out of my face. “Well, it turns out once you hit ninety-three, your heart gives out while you’re sleeping. Though I kind of was hoping to go in a bad ass way.”

“Ninety-three?” I exclaimed. “Fuck, how’d you manage that, old man?”

He pulled our forehead together as he let out a wobbly chuckle. We spent a few seconds in silence, finally getting the chance to just _touch_ each other again. “God, I fucking missed you, love. How I spent over sixty years without you I’ll never know.”

"You were never without me, Levi.” I said. He sobbed at me saying his name, and I kissed his tears away. “I was always there.”

He gave me his rare grin. Our hands intertwined, and he gave me a long kiss on the lips before whispering in my ear.

  “That you were, sweetheart. That you were.”

           

***************************************

**I want to thank you all for sticking by this story even with its hectic updates. I honestly didn’t think it’d be this popular of a story. I might come back and edit this some more, but for now I like how it ended. :)**

**If you guys want me to do more in this universe, let me know! I loved this story, and cried while writing it. It means a lot that you guys love it.**

**Hope to come out with a new story soon, and thank you again!**

**Author's Note:**

> This was an idea I had after reading a very sad fanfic about Eren dying, and it got me thinking what happens after his death. Please let me know if you want me to continue!


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